Sunday, July 22, 2012

Confusion

I love him.  Leave him.  I love him. Leave him.  I love him leave him.

I am the little mermaid, underwater, plucking the petals off flowers.  Yet I cannot breath.

Damn I wish I was a mermaid.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Saying Goodbye

Saying Goodbye to the People you love is always the hardest thing to do, even when it is the last thing left to do.

I have been looking for a new place to live for the last week.  I have been keeping it a secret for the sanity of both parties.  Although I feel like I did it because I did not want to hurt him or cause more conflict.  However, I probably did it because I do not want him to be mad at me.  I am selfish and I want to be the person that was the winner.

Well I came home today from looking at apartment for 8 hours.  (Still apartment-less) And I get dumped.  Awesome.  It is not like it is the first time he has done this, but for some reason I know this time it is real.  Because this time I am leaving.  I hope one of my applications was the first today so I can just get a place.

Saying goodbye is so hard.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Bettering my self

Since I decided to go to law school, I feel as though my life as fallen apart.  I have come to realize this is because my self confidence has been thrown out the window.  This is not to say I am the only person is the whole world, this has happened to.  I am saying it because I want it to change.  I have gained 50-60 lbs since I was accepted into law school.  Which has been due to my stress level, and emotional eating.  And not having time or the passion to cook anymore.

I used to co-own a freaking health food catering company! WTH!! I know it has been wrong, But I still did not pay attention.  I fell deeper and deeper into a hole of shit, or should I say lard and sugar.  My most violent addiction is to sweets and breads.

Now as I turn a corner and try and pass the state Bar, I am going to try and gain my confidence back.  My mom told me recently I am so lucky because I have so many people that love me (her, the bf and the cat).  She is right, although on most days this is all blurred by my own self-hating thoughts.  This needs to change.  And so in my motivation I decided to start a new blog.  I have no idea what this blog will be about, but it will be a place for me to vomit out my thoughts.  Whether it be dieting, education, working, jobs, or the oh so common and most interesting subject MEN!

Monday, March 7, 2011